Mockingjay: A Place for Us
by afritzers
Summary: Post-Mockingjay, follows Katniss's life after she returns back to District 12 after the war, follows Peeta in his difficult journey to also get back to Katniss, and even pulls in some Gale here and there. But while Katniss and Peeta seem to finally be safe and free they are unceremoniously shoved into the fierce life of battle.
1. Chapter 1

**Katniss POV **

As I sit there, staring into the fire, the heat begins to burns my eyes but I make no move to avert my gaze. I deserve this pain. Not only pain but death. There is no waking minute of my wasteful life that I do not think of my little sister, of the little girl from my first Games, of my friend from the sea, of my long lost mother, of the members of my team, of my murderous best friend, and most of all, I think of my boy with the bread.

Not a single person that haunts my waking and sleeping hours are with me. They are all either dead or far from me, which is where they should be. I do not deserve their presence, and they are safer away from me anyways. All I do is cause destruction and lost, and kill all those in my wake.

During the war, I believe I killed more people than I saved. No, I don't believe this, I know it, with ever fiber of my body. Once I returned home after my trial, I was unreachable. I was mute, mentally paralyzed, and ate nothing. Day turned night, night turned day, days became weeks, weeks became months.

It was a blur, but somewhere along the lines, Greasy Sae unlocked my door, with a key I wasn't aware she had, and walk into my kitchen like she owned the place. Not like I was arguing. She made me a meal, which I briefly remember being some kind of stew, handed me the bowl and stared at me. She just stared. Stared with such an intense look on her face, I swore she was staring into my soul.

"What are we going to do with you?" She had startled me, I hadn't seen her lips move. That was the first time I had heard someone else's voice in ages. All I have been used to is my own screams from my nightmares that come every night without faltering.

All the same, once those words came out of her mouth, it was as if I had just awoken from a dream, violently pulled from a lifelong stupor. And I ate. For the first time in weeks, I ate. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to put a smirk on Sae's face.

She curtly turned and walked out the front door. I don't know if she locked it, and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't care if she did or didn't. After I took one more spoon full of the stew, I no longer felt like sitting.

I stood, and like Sae, I curtly turned and walked out the front door. I didn't make it far when my legs crumpled under me from being dormant for so long. But luckily I was only in my front yard. I crawled to the middle of the grass and laid on my back. Soaking in the sun's rays, and I felt revived.

More alive than I had in weeks, but not quite fully there. I still felt completely crushed with guilt and sorrow. But I pushed is from my mind, for I wanted at least ten minutes of peace in my mind. Every thought my mind began to think I pushed it down into my throat to asses later.

For at this moment, laying in my grass, in front of my house I am completely and simply at peace.

I laid on my front lawn for hours, until my peace was interrupted by rain. Despite it, I laid there for another twenty minutes just focussing on the feeling of the raindrops hitting me dry skin. As I begun to feel chilled, I rose from my spot in the grass and stared at my closed front door.

Within the confinements of my house, I was a dead girl, dead to the world, without a soul to assist her, up until today. And I am not quite ready to return to that awful state of mind. But I deserve it so of course, I eventually will.

I resolve to a walk into town. As I slowly make my way through the victors village, I pretend as if I am stepping away from the confinements of my mind, at least for now. At least for now I am free from grief, hatred, and sadness.

The walk into town isn't that long but it is excruciatingly painful. All I picture is the fire and the explosion and the death. I have to stop walking and shake my head to clear the images. As I stand there, someone slightly bumps into my shoulder. They probably barely even touched me but because of my hibernation, I am weak and it felt like a wrecking ball hit me and I fell on my rear.

"Sorry," He grumbled. He was a man maybe in his forties with chin length, greasy hair dark blond almost brown hair. His breath reeked of liquor and he himself smelled foul, as if he hadn't shower in weeks, like myself.

As his back turned to me, he glanced over his shoulder once, and quickly took a double take, stopping in his tracks.

"Katniss?" He asked, astonished. I would know that voice anywhere, I didn't even need him to turn around to know it was Haymitch.

I hadn't seen my mentor since I had arrived back in District 12, he was supposed to be my babysitter but being the drunk he was, the minute we returned, he slumped back into his house and he drank.

And I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since. I hadn't replied so Haymitch took that as a no shit it's Katniss and said,

"Look who finally emerged from their God forsaken den. I hope you had enough alone time, because I just received a call from Dr. Aurelius. He said you need to start answering his calls because he can't keep up pretending to be treating you, sooner or later he'll get busted.". I simply answered "Fine, but I'm not calling him."

"Works for me, Sweetheart." There it is. With that, he turned and walked back to his house. As did I, but in the other direction, towards town.

As I walked, I listened to the birds and the rain on the concrete. I was looking straight ahead when I kicked something. I looked down and took a few steps back and stopped. What I had seen forced me to run to town rather than my earlier walking. A group of bones. This unhinged me. I realized now that going into town wasn't such a good idea. Everywhere I look I see death and decay.

The buildings around the square are charred and falling in on themselves. People are carting burned bones and people in wheelbarrows to the mass grave in the meadow. I mean it's not like I hadn't seen District 12 after the bombing already, but I haven't seen it in the state I'm in, which only seems to make it worse. I am still looking at all the buildings around the square when my eyes fall on Peeta's family's bakery. Hundreds of memories, both good and bad, fill my mind, as if the floodgates of my mind broke into a million pieces.

I see his blue eyes and his shaggy blond hair, I hear his laugh and his voice, I feel his strong arms wrap around me. I tear my eyes from the bakery and keep walking. I miss him. I miss him with my mind, my heart, my soul. I miss him with my whole being. I miss being around him and the way he makes me feel. But I will never get him back. I lost him the moment Beetee made us split up so Johanna and I could uncoil the wire.

And now he sees me for who I really am. A destructive, harsh, selfish girl who did nothing but harm him. He no longer loves me and I hate him for it.

Lost in thought, I look up and in at the train station. The whistle blows from my left and I can see the incoming train. It passes me and the wind whips my hair, not in it's usual trademark braid, around my face.

The trains slows to stop at the station, but I don't move from my spot. The doors open and about ten people get off. But the doors stay open. Then what seems to be the last person steps off. I see the blond hair and hard jaw of someone I thought I would never see again. I'm frozen in my spot, if I wasn't I would have bolted a long time ago. My eyes rise to his and I get lost in the blue of his eyes.

There is a mixture of emotions, confusion, relief, and I can slightly see hatred and rage but it is overridden by happiness. Oh God, I'm not ready for this. The last time I saw Peeta he wanted me dead and I don't think I can handle that. The hijacking left him broken and deadly. He's not my Peeta anymore, and without even thinking, I turned and ran. And he made no attempt to follow me. Which hurt.

I ran all the way to my house and slammed through the door. He can't be back, not yet. It must have just been my imagination. No, I know Peeta when I see him. But what would make him want to come back? Certainly not me, right? No of course not, the capitol must have forced him to come back, but for some reason, I'm not quite certain.

Greasy Sae emerged from my kitchen and asks, obviously annoyed by the racket I made, "Why do you have to come in here bumpin' and slammin', dear? What's got you all wound up?" "He's back," I replied.

"Who's back, dear?" "Peet...P...Peeta." I said between breaths.

"So you saw him?" I nod.

"Wait you knew we he was coming home? Why didn't you tell me?" She ignored my question and said,

"Supper's almost ready, why don't you go wash up?" I nod again and head upstairs. I grab some clothes, not caring if they match and I head into the bathroom. I strip, not only my clothes but my skin. It peels off my body, sticking to my clothes. I'm disgusted by myself and refrain from looking at myself in the mirror.

I turn on the water and step in slowly. The water cascades over my body and I picture it washing away my sorrows and not only the layer of grime that covers me. It washes away my fear and depression, and I get lost in the feeling.

**Peeta POV**

The train ride from the Capitol is excruciatingly long. All I want is to get off this train. My time spent in that God forsaken place alone is, was and forever will be horrific. The only thing that made it okay was when Katniss was there with me. Being around her was comforting, she made me feel like I was safe. And I hope I made her feel safe. Though I doubt it after my hijacking. I wouldn't feel safe around me if I was her.

Although I miss Katniss, I don't know if I love her. At least not as much as I did. But maybe deep down, I do.

The conductor says over the intercom that we are approaching District 12 and I gather my single bag. As the train comes to the stop and I'm looking out my window, I see a glimpse of flying, brown hair. How does she know I was coming home? The only person informed was Haymitch and I doubt he told anyone. Not ready to face her (if it even is her), I wait for everyone in the train car to exit. As I walk towards the door, I don't realize I'm holding my breath and exhale. What if I have a flashback and try to hurt her? I may not love her as much anymore but I couldn't stand myself if I hurt her.

It's too late now because I've stepped off the train and she's not 20 feet away from me. I scanned her body for anything different and notice she's skinnier, and looks disheveled.

Her hair isn't in its usual braid and she looks weak. I finally meet her eyes and I see a sea of emotion. Confusion, fear, but what surprises me the most is the happiness I see. It makes me happy to see her happy.

Oh how I've missed Katniss, how she feels in my arms, her voice, how her eyes light up when she laughs and her kisses. Her lips against mine is literal heaven. Wow, I guess I love her a little more than I let myself believe.

Just as I'm about to say something, she pivoted on her foot and sprinted towards the Victors Village. I think about going after her, and I want to, God do I want to. But it would only make her run faster.

To be honest, I am disappointed she didn't jump into my arms, but what did I expect? Her to take me back head on? The last time I saw her I hated her, and had tried to kill her countless times. But that was when I was a monster.

All I had wanted was for the Games and the Capitol to not change me, I tried so hard to stay myself, but I failed. Snow was playing chess, I was his king, and Katniss was the rebel's queen. I was a piece in their Games. And I'm sure Katniss hates me now, or at least is scared of me. I pick up my bag and walk the way Katniss ran.

This was the first time I had seen the true destruction of the war from the district's point of view. Fifty percent of the buildings around the square are ash and the others are covered in it. I know what's to my left, and refuse to look. Because if I do, I just might crack. I might run towards her house and try with my whole body to kill her, while my mind screams and cries no. The sight of the bakery burned to nothing, probably with my family still inside is, at the moment, unbearable.

I continue and surprisingly don't feel the prying, judging eyes burning holes in my back. These people know me, the real me and I silently thank them all for not making me feel like the monster I am. As I walked, I bumped into someone.

"Jesus, boy, haven't been around here in forever and this is how you say hello?" I looked down and smiled.

"Sae, it's great to see you." I bent and gave her a hug.

" You too, boy, you too. Where have you been?"

Reluctantly, I answered, "Oh, I've been in and out of the Capital, District Seven and District Four."

"Well I'm glad you're back," Sae said as she began to walk away, but she stopped, turned to me and spoke, " You should stop by Katniss's soon for dinner. I'll be there every night for a while making her dinner, and she barely eats, so there's always extra food." The look in her eyes as she said this convinced me that she knew she hit a nerve.

And like Sae always is, she's right. She barely eats. My heart shattered. After all this time Katniss is still broken. God Katniss, why can't you take care of yourself? I know why, and I die a little every time I think about it.

"I'll make sure I do, bye Sae." She smiled at me and walked away. I knew I still cared about Katniss, but wasn't sure to what extent. Do I love Katniss Everdeen? I know the answer, it is as if it is flashing in my head as bright as a Capitol sign. I do, so much. I love her so much it hurts and if she'll have me, I will try my hardest to have her back in my life.

By the time I reach my house the sun is almost down. I look at the sky and smile. Sunset orange. I walk in and set my bag of paints the Capitol gave me on the ground. I had no actual clothes because I used the ones the Capitol gave me.

I looked at the dark, dank house. There's a layer of dust over everything, but other than that the house is untouched. I flipped the switch to the lights and sighed. This lonely house is where I sulked after the first Games when I Katniss told me she didn't really love me. It's also where I was hit with a bombshell when I knew Katniss had to go back into the arena.

There are so many terrible memories here, but this the only place I have for now. I walk into the kitchen and look to see what I have in the cabinets. There is almost nothing that isn't old and moldy, but a settle on some chicken broth. I couldn't stomach much anyways.

I don't think much as I eat, but as I walk over to the sink see smoke rising out of Katniss's chimney. Just as I think this, there's a knock on my door. I wiped my hands and walked there. And what I see shocks me. She just stared at me. Her hairs in a wet braid. But she still just stared. Her voice is low and scratchy but it startled me just the same

"Peeta, I just have one question."

"Anything," She stuttered, as if she hadn't decided something, and turned in her heel and ran back to her house.

"Katniss, wait!" I yelled as I followed her down the stairs but stopped at the bottom, looking at her back. She stopped at her door turned and yelled, "Do you still love me?" I smiled and replied,

"I do, so much." I saw what I thought was a smile in her eyes, but it didn't reach her face and she disappeared behind her door. The last thing I saw of her was her thick, brown hair flying.

_Alright alright alright this is my first fanfiction soooo not sure how it will be. I am a busy girl so if this doesn't get a lot of comments or reviews I will mark writing down for not one of my talents and stop writing this. I for one would love for this to continue because I love Katniss and Peeta. But like I said no comments, no more story. If you do like it though, share it and maybe, just maybe I'll continue. So vote it up!


	2. Chapter 2

**Katniss POV**

I lean against my front door, taking slow deep breathes and slide down to the floor. With my knees tucked into my chest, I rest my elbows on my knees and hold my head. To my surprise, I let out a laugh, and smile. He loves me, he still loves me. I don't know how long I sit there, leaning against the door, repeating those words to myself, because I still don't believe them. How could he still love me, let alone like me after what I did to him, after everything he's gone through. Peeta has gone through a literal and mental hell and back and has still manage to come back to me. I am awoken out of my trance when I hear the sound of metal on metal from the kitchen. I stand and rush in to find Greasy Sae kneeling over a pan and tonight's stew.

"Sae, what hap-" I try to ask, but she interrupts me.

"Don't worry about it, dear. Leave me be." Sae said as she went to pick up the pot, only to drop it again. I rushed to her side and helped her up, and brought her to my rocker.

"Sae, what's wrong?" I ask her while staring sternly into her eyes. She looks back at me for a while, but breaks eye contact before she speaks.

"It just arthritis, dear, nothing to be worried about. Not stop obsessing over me and let me clean up my mess." She said and began to stand. I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her softly back into the chair.

"No Sae, I'll clean it up and make dinner for a change." I said confidently, but the most I'll probably be able to cook is pasta. I walk into the kitchen and start making the pasta to the best of my ability. Arthritis, wouldn't I've known if she had arthritis? There must be something more going on here, but I don't question her further. I put the pot of water on the stove and turn on the heat. I walk I to the living room and find Sae starting a fire.

"Sae, come on let me do it." I push.

"It's almost done," she pauses while stoking the fire, "There, see dear I can do things myse-" Her words were halted by a withdrawal of her body. Her arms came to her chest, her face scrunched, and she fell to her knees with a gasp. As I run the few yards to her side, she breaths heavily. I hold her under her elbows, and help her to the couch. I don't know what to do or where to bring her. There is no hospital in District 12, and my mother is in District 4, wait. I know, I'll call my mother.

"I need to get you some help, somehow." I say to Sae, but she only nods.

I rush to my phone, which is barely ever used, and hesitate. I haven't seen let alone talked to my mother in weeks. But I quickly get over myself because this is what Sae needs. I pick up the phone and disk my mother's number. After the eighth ring, right before I decide to hang up, my mother answers, "Hello?" I take a deep breath and answer her with,

"Hello, mom, its Katniss," I'm holding my breath, waiting for her to answer, but she doesn't for a few seconds.

"Oh my God, Katniss, baby girl, how are you?" She asks, with her voice cracking at girl.

"I'm fine, mom, really, but I need to talk to you about something."

"Of course dear, but really, Katniss how are you?" She asks in a hushed voice. I've had enough, Sae is more important than how I'm feeling.

"Mother!" I yell into the phone, and it's is quiet that I think she halted her breath. "I didn't call to chit-chat, Sae is sick, I don't know what's wrong with her. She's been having tremors and no more than five minutes ago she... she had some sort of pain that made her body pull itself inward and she fell." I say this quickly, hoping to get every word out before I got interrupted.

"Oh dear, no, are you sure? Any other symptoms? Fever, cold sweats, vomiting?" My mother asks anxiously.

"Let me check," I put the phone on the counter and make my way to Sae. She's laying on my couch, with her eyes closed. I walk over and feel her forehead, she's burning up, and has suddenly acquired a horrendous cough. I go to pick up the phone again.

"Mom, Sae's burning up and she sounds as if she's coughing up a lung." My mom doesn't reply for what seems like hours, but finally I hear her voice again.

"Katniss, I'm sending one of our doctors there by hover craft but still the fastest that he'll get there is around four in the morning, but by train he wouldn't get there till about six tomorrow evening, so it is much faster."

"Wait, why aren't you coming in?"

"You know why I can't, Katniss. Just try to freeze out the fever until, the doctor gets there. His names Dr. Fritz, and don't worry about going to get him from the train station, I've handled that." I am disappointed she isn't coming herself, and I know it's hard for her, but doesn't she realize I'd hard for me too? That I need her now more than ever?

"Yeah, okay mom, whatever's easiest. Thanks for your help, love you."

"You too." And she hung up. Our first conversation in forever is over. But before I dwell to much on it, I go to the kitchen and get a pitcher of water it kill the fire. I open all the windows and turn the thermos stat down. I wet a wash cloth with cold water and place it on Sae's head. And wet a few more cloths and put them in a bowl of ice.

I'm doing my best to keep Sae's fever as low as possible, and it's working somewhat. As I wait I just sit in my richer next to her and look out the windows. Occasionally changing out her cloth and the ice.

I start to nod off around what I think is two a.m., and eventually I drift into a dream...

_I'm alone in my front lawn. The sky is a dark grey, as if there's a storm coming. The winds blows past me and I get a whiff of what I believe to be the most toxicating smell. Roses. Blood. Pure roses with blood all around. There us so much of it that I start to gag._

_The smell consumes me and I feel the need to vomit. And I do, but at the same time I don't. I seem to not have anything in my stomach to upchuck._

_But through the gagging, I can place this smell perfectly. It is associated with one of the people I hate most in this damned world. Snow. President Cornelius Snow. I look up and there he is, in the flesh._

_And behind him are all of the people I love, dead and alive. Peeta, Prim, my father, Finnick, my mother, Haymitch, Gale. Snow walks behind Gale first, and says,_

_"This one will kill himself, because you drove him away." And as he said this Gale's eyes slid to the back of his head and Snow slight pushed him forward, dead. _

_"No! No, no, no, no, no! I didn't drive him out, he killed Prim I could never forgive him for that!"_

_But Snow pays me know mind and moves behind Haymitch, lays a hand on his shoulder and says,_

_"And this one will drink himself to death because of the horrible person you are." And Haymitch's body does the same as Gale's. This is excruciatingly painful. It's as if Snow is literally ripping my heart out._

_Snow moves to my mother, "This next one here will overdose because the daughter she loved didn't make it." And down goes my mother. His words cut deep, the daughter she loved. On to Finnick._

_"Now, this one's fun. Finnick here died for you, when you were on a fake mission. Because of your selfishness, His wife will grow old alone and his son will grow up fatherless." Finnick's body hits the ground with a klunk. This really hurts. Every word is like razors on my skin, and the worst part is I can't move to save any of the remaining three. _

_"Three. Your father had to work himself to the bone to make sure you would eat. Then one day," snow paused and a mine exploded behind them and my father fell to his knees, but Snow, Prim and Peeta hadn't moved and I had been blown backwards. "Two. Now, Miss. Everdeen, your young, innocent little sister died, yet again because of you. Because you couldn't save her." Another explosion and Prim laid face down on the ground. _

_"One. And finally, lovely Peeta, be minding his own business, but unfortunately with you around, and his beautiful mind will be ripped from him and replaced with a monster. He will turn to you," As Snow said this Peeta's head turned to look at me and I looked into his eyes. They were a dark, foggy blue. "He will walk towards you, muttering to himself about the mutt you really are.". It was as if Snow was narrating Peeta's movements. _

"_He will come at you with hands outstretched, and you will be too shocked to do anything about it. And he'll choke you." As Peeta does so, Snow continues. "When you finally die, Peeta will return, look at his work. He will be heartbroken, and hate himself so much, that he will kill himself, in the most self-harming way possible." As Snow says his last words, black spots crowd my vision. I claw at Peeta's hands but his grip doesn't falter. _

I am awoken from violent shaking.

**Peeta's POV**

I'm facing my window, with a sketchpad in my lap and a pencil in my hand, spacing out. Thinking, mainly about Katniss and what she had asked me earlier this evening. It's almost three a.m., and I can't sleep. Normally, when I was in the capital, if I hadn't fallen asleep by midnight they would give me some sleeping pill. Which would knock me out for a while. Personally I think that they were afraid I would think too much and finally resolve to kill myself. Not that I would've, I needed to at least try to get back to Katniss.

I jump when I hear the sound of my pencil dropping to the floor. I look down and remember what I was drawing; how Katniss' hair looked just as she disappeared behind her door. Why would she ask me something like that, I thought she already knew the answer. Does she love me? No over course not, right?

I can't keep dwelling over this, it's most certainly unhealthy. I stand and walk into my kitchen, and pour myself a glass of water. I gulp it all down and pour myself another. I drink this one slower this time, while leaning back against the counter. That's when I heard it. A scream, mixed with a moan. And I know exactly whose scream it is.

I drop my glass and sprint out my door, or as fast as my leg will take me. I run the past the houses until I am in front of Katniss' and skip her stair three at a time, ultimately reaching the top n two steps. Hoping she forgot to lock her door, I reach for the handle and attempt to turn it. _Damn._ I think. It doesn't budge. In the house I can still hear her moans and screams. I run my hands through my hair as I walk around the house, looking for same form of entry. To my luck, the window above her sink is propped open.

I firmly place my hands on the sill and hoist myself up. I get my feet on the sill as well, but lose my balance and fall into Katniss' house, hitting my head on a cabinet on my way down. I land with a thud and rub my head. My thoughts quickly return to Katniss when I hear five or six incoherent words. I pretty much leap to the rocker she occupies just outside the kitchen, and I quickly take in my surroundings. A bowl of almost completely melted ice with rags in it as well, all the windows opened slightly- which I guess I missed when I was rushing to get it- the fans I can see turned on full blast, her in the rocker, and the most odd of all is Greasy Sae laying on her couch, with a rag on her forehead. Something is wrong with Greasy Sae, but before I worry about her, I need to worry about Katniss.

I kneel in front of her body, place my hands on her shoulders and softly shake them. I whisper,

"Katniss... Katniss," but all she does is mumble something. I shake her a little harder and say her name twice more, louder this time. Still I get no response. With one finally effort, I pull her away from the back rest so she won't hit her head when I shake her violently. As I do so I say her name a little quieter than a yell. She bolts upright, throwing me backwards. I can see the panic in her eyes, then relief when she realizes where she is. Then her eyes style on me, and hundreds of emotions cross her eyes. She scrambles to back up, which, I'll admit, hurts. Does she really still believe I'm a monster?

I stand and the fear in her eyes begins to subside. And to my surprise she walks toward me, looking be directly in the eyes. What is she hoping to see? She's less than a foot away from me know, we're sharing the breaths. She interrupted the silence by saying,

"Everyone left me. So feel free to leave too.". I am stunned by her assumption that I want to leave. I just got back. Literally less than twenty four hours ago. I scan her eyes for any glimpse of a joke, but see only seriousness. I counter,

"I would never leave you, not again, not ever." As I finish I quickly wrap my arms around her body and pull her into my chest. I can tell she sucks in a breath and stiffens, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, and she into my body. And with her fists by her chin, she starts to sob. Her knees buckle, but I don't her fall. Instead I move to the rocker and pull Katniss into my lap. Her sons continue to rack her body and I rock the two of us back and forth and whisper soothing to words to her. After about ten minutes of sobs, her crying begins to settle down.

"Hey, Katniss, I'm pretty sure I know the answer already, but do you want to talk about it?" And to my surprise, she nods her head. Before she starts, she takes a deep breathe.

"I was in my front lawn, and it started with _his_ smell, Snow's smell." I could tell she was exhausted just by her voice.

"And then everyone I loved was in a line, and Snow was retelling me how they had died, blaming me, and also telling me how I will ultimately be the reason why everyone alive will die.". Wow, that makes for a tough night. She doesn't continue, but she lays her head on my chest. It's barely audible, but she asks,

"Peeta, will you stay with me?" And of course, I answer, "Always,".

**So that's chapter dos, hoped you like it. I threw IN some everlark for all of you katpiss shippers out there (don't worry, I am too) I start school on tomorrow so it will start getting difficult to update this often, but I will do my best to do so once or twice a week. I love and appreciate you all.**


	3. Chapter 3

Katniss POV

I jump at the sound of a knocking on my door, and try to stand. Strong, warms arms hold me. They're Peeta's arms... Peeta's arms? Why is Peeta's here? I look around and notice a pale Greasy Sae on my couch wrapped in blankets, with a rag, barely hanging from her forehead.

All of which jogs my memory, my falling asleep and my horrific nightmare, with my cries bringing Peeta to my house and holding me while I break down. And finally both of us falling asleep on my rocker in each other's arms. This brings a smile to my face, but what worries me is Sae. She looks worse than when I fell asleep last night. She- my thoughts are interrupted by another round of knocking.

I slowly pry Peeta's arms from around my body, trying not to wake him, but to no avail. He only tightens his arms around me and sits up abruptly.

"Katniss!" He yells, and looks around frantically until his eyes fall on mine. He immediately relaxes, I can literally feel his muscles retracting.

He sighs before I ask, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just a nightmare. I'm alright now." I'm curious, but am not sure if I want to make him recall this nightmare barely seconds after he overcame it.

My conflicts must show on my face because Peeta says, "You can ask me anything." He has read my mind once again. I stutter and pause but finally get my question out, "What was your nightmare, Peeta?" I say this while switching between looking into his eyes and my hands, ending by looking in his eyes.

"You." He says plainly. "About losing you," He pauses, "To be honest, I haven't dreamed at all in the past few months, let alone slept. And if I had, it was a dreamless sleep. Being here with you must have triggered the dreams again." I hate that I do this to him, there's only one option for me then.

I stand from his lap and look away from him, "I'm sorry I did this to you, Peeta. It's best for you that you go." I refuse to look at him.

"Are you kidding me, Katniss?" I look at him, completely serious.

"Completely." I start walking towards the door, and Peeta grabs me arm and I don't try to pull away from his grasp.

"Katniss," he starts, "The best thing for me is to be with you, in any way possible. I'd sacrifice all of my nights to be with you in my days."

"Peeta," I start, but I'm quickly shot down.

"No, Katniss, don't 'Peeta' me,"

"Well then don't 'Katniss' me." He starts again,

"Fine, but Katniss, I'm a big boy," This almost pulls a smile out of me, "I know what I'm getting myself into, don't think I don't. I have at least spent the last three years of my life with you, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. You may feel dangerous, and destructive, but you're not. You help people and they believe in you to do so. It's not just me, but everyone loves you, you're they're Mockingjay, but most of all, you're my Mockingjay, and you have saved my life more times than I can count. You deserve to be happy, no matter who it affects and who gets hurt by it. After all you've been through, you, and only you deserve happiness." He pauses as there is yet another banging on the door. I go to answer it but he keeps me in my place, and continues, as if someone is not waiting out on my front porch.

"And to be honest Katniss, you not only deserve happiness, I want you to be happy. That's all I want, because no matter what happens, I love you, Katniss. I love my Mockingjay." He's finished and I don't have any clue what to say back. I'm not sure if I love him yet, he just got back, and I just got back on my feet, I can't worry about loving him, right now, when I could crumble back into a million pieces just as I'm beginning to stack myself back together again.

And no matter what he thinks, I don't deserve happiness, I deserve a lonely life filled with sorrow and grief and guilt. I have ruined and ended too many lives to even think about happiness. Don't get me wrong, I want to think about a possible life with Peeta (if I had a life with anyone there is no one I'd rather be with), but I just can't afford to think like that right now.

Because I don't want to argue right now, because of the still at large person in my porch, I pull him towards me and wrap my arms around is chest, just upper his underarms. Without hesitation he wraps his arms around my shoulders and we just stand there. Me with my face in his shirt, smelling him, and he with his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.

Our light-hearted is interrupted by another set of frantic knocking, I loosen my grip on Peeta and say, "I should really get that, they've been standing there forever." He smiles and let's go of my shoulders, but quickly replaces his arm around my waist and walk with me to the door.

Without looking to see who it is I reach to open the door and pull it open. A man in a white coat, a stethoscope around his neck and a large briefcase in his hand barges into my home, with three other people, carrying medical equipment following him.

The first man asks quickly, "Where's the patient?" I tilt my head, puzzled for a moment. Oh! These must be the people my mother sent to help Greasy Sae.

"Oh yes, she's in here." I try to detach myself from Peeta as I walk to Sae, but he only grabs my hand and walks with me. Once I show her to the doctors, they ask Peeta and me to leave the room as they runs some tests. I'm protesting when Peeta says,

"Katniss, you want Sae to get better right?" I respond with an almost I audible 'yeah', and he says, "Alright, then let's do what the doctor says." He keeps a hold on my hand and walks me into my kitchen. He sits me down and starts to make tea. It's about four thirty in the morning, no use to go to back to sleep. I watch Peeta make the tea, paying close attention to his hands and arms, the way the move. He catches me watching him and smiles, while I look away and blush madly.

He brings my tea to me and puts it in my hands, holding them around the cup. I look up at his face and he's smiling. Easily, as if its second nature to me, I smile back. It so easy to smile when Peeta is smiling. He takes the stool next to me, and holds my hand while he sips his tea, and sip mine. I make no move to remove my hand from his, its enjoyable and comforting to have home here with me.

Not only am I anxious to know what is wrong with Sae, but I am wondering what Peeta and I are, I don't think we are together, it's too early for that, for now at least I know that we are friends. And maybe, to my hope we can be more, but like I said, it's too early for that.

We sit at my counter for another hour or two, I don't look at the clock, but I can tell by the sun peeking out from over the horizon. The doctors haven't told is anything, they come and go from the kitchen to get water, rags and bowls.

I've wanted to go in there once or twice, fed up with their silence on Sae's condition, but Peeta has calmed me down and helped me back into my seat.

Peeta and I talk in hushed voices about almost anything, but steering clear of the games and rebellion, I refuse to bring those memories to his head and the same went for him. We talk about his childhood, and my own, our families (which was difficult for both of us). It is actually the first time I've talked about my sister Prim without losing it, and we eventually found our way to making fun of the old Capitol people.

"They're accents are horrendous, 'Why could you please leave my fox skin alone?'" Peeta says in the silly Capitol accent. I'm laughing at him and holding my stomach, my turn,

"'My dear, you mustn't jump from table to table you may hurt- aha- hurt... yourself.'" Towards the end my accent disappears as I laugh. We both laugh at this, and one of the doctors walks in and we quickly try to compose ourselves. Her face is grave and fills me with worry. She comes to stand across from us, and I sit on the edge of my seat.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." And my breath catches in my throat.


	4. Chapter 4

Peeta's POV

I hear Katniss's breath catch in her throat, but my eyes are glued on the doctor. I am on the edge of my seat, as I'm sure Katniss is also. She loves Sae so much, and I don't think she can handle anything else, surely she'll brake into pieces, despite her strength.

"Sae has a rare stomach disease called stomachum mortem, contracted from a virus in flies. Like I said it is extremely rare, and surprisingly not contagious, the only way it's spread is by being bit by the particular fly carrying the virus. And it is most likely that this fly is dead. The virus takes days, sometimes weeks to set in, but once it is set, the patient has very little time, a week at most, for the better cases." She pauses, and Katniss grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it tightly. I breath out, realizing I've held my breath her whole explanation. She starts again,

"But this all that we know. Because the the time between the first symptoms and death is so short, there is little to no knowledge on it, let alone a cure. I am very sorry but there isn't much we can do for her except keep her comfortable for as long as she needs." I can feel Katniss deflate next to me, Sae meant so much to her, she was the one who began to heal her when she needed it most. This can't be happening, not to Katniss or Sae. There is absolutely no way in hell I'll let Katniss go through this.

"No." The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them, and when they do, both Katniss and the doctor in front of us turn to look at me.

"No?" The doctor says it as a question. And Katniss still looks at me with tears threatening to spill over her lids.

"No. No that can't be it, there must be something you can do."

"I'm sorry, sir, but there isn't-" I slam my hands down on the table and stand, making Katniss jump along with my chair sliding back.

"No! You can't just let her die, she can't die! You're doctors, you need to do your jobs and help her!" My fury surprises myself, but it fills Katniss' eyes with an unknown emotion, but it disappears as quickly as it arrived, and was replaced by a look of what? Admiration? Thanks? I'm not quite sure, but I like this look much better than the one before. Katniss places her hand on top of mine on the table, rubbing the back of my palm with her thumb. Her eyes break from mine and she looks toward the doctor.

"Thank you for everything, we really appreciate it," Katniss says in an unreasonably calm voice, completely inappropriate for this situation, she should be fuming, but her face is sad, but surprisingly there is a hint of something else.

"But-" I start,

"Peeta, it's okay they did everything they could." She gave me a sad smile and a nod.

"Alright, thank you," I was reluctant but looked at the doctor from the the side as I said it.

"I'm sorry, again," The doctor look at us, then looked down as she went into the living room to collect her colleague and equipment. Once she left the room and was out of earshot, I turned to Katniss again.

"Katniss, you're just giving up on her? After all she's done for you?" I was sort of disappointed in her, I thought she had a little more fight, in fact I knew it.

"I gave up on the doctors, not Sae."

"What are you talking about? You let them walk out without helping her get better."

"You want to know why?" Of course I did.

"Obviously,"

"Because I know someone who will help her, we both know him."

Katniss's POV

The minute the doctors said that what Sae had was incurable, I began thinking of people who could cure her. And my mind immediately went to Beetee. If anyone would at least try to help Sae it would be him.

"Beetee," I say.

"Beetee..." Peeta looks at me as he says this, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"Yes, Beetee, we need to call him, now." It comes out more forcefully than I intended it to, but Peeta hadn't seemed to notice it as he walks towards my front door and says,

"I'll go get my phonebook, look up his number for us."

"No need, I have one." I stand from my chair and walk into my living room. I see Sae on the couch and cringe inwardly.

She needs to get better, she needs to. I think. I walk to the side table and pull out the almost empty phonebook, only filled with the names of my "friends". There's Annie, Beetee, Haymitch, my mother, Johanna's, but no where in it is Gale's. Although there is his name, just none of the information is filled out, and I don't know if I'd want his number anyways.

I walk back into the kitchen, book in hand, towards the phone and Peeta. I open it to Beetee's number and hand it to Peeta. He dials the number and puts the phone to his ear. I can hear a faint ringing coming from the phone, and meet Peeta's eyes. He gives me a small smile as he waits. But he soon erupts.

"Damn!" He shouts, which startles me. I look at him questionably, and he mouths "voicemail" right before he explains the situation to Beetee's voicemail quickly, to have enough time to fit it all in. He says for him to call back as soon as possible and hangs up. He looks at me and I look at him, and he wraps his arms around my body. I don't stiffen, but I melt into his arms, for the second time within twenty-four hours.

He hides his face in my hair and breathes in deeply, while I do the same. I missed the smell of him, cinnamon and dill, I missed his arms, which provide an incredible amour of comfort for me now. I rub the line of where his hair and the back of his neck meet, a little higher, and I my fingertips meet a bumpy line. I rub a little higher and it continues up. His hair in that area seems to be a little shorter than the rest. I pull my face away from his shoulder, but not my body. He looks at me questionably and I ask,

"Peeta, what's that scar on the back of your head?"

"What scar?" Now this surprises me, he should know how he got a scar on his head.

"The one right here," I run my finger along the scar, which seems to be about five inches long. He let's go of me with one arm and reaches behind his head, running his fingers next to mine, feeling the entire scar. What I see on his face frightens me, it's a mixture of confusion and anger.

He really didn't know about this? Did they give him some sort of surgery he hadn't known about while in recovery? Or does it go all the way back to his time locked in the Capital? My face must reflect his, I am angry neither he nor I knew anything about a surgery.

"What the hell?" His voice is angry, and I've rarely seen or heard him angry.

"Maybe it happened in the Capital, or while you were in recovery?" I throw out my own thoughts, but at these words, his composure changes. His face goes blank and white, his arms limp at his sides, his eyes unfocused but also focused on me. And what scares me the most is the gradual darkness of his eyes. And I am certain of what this means.

"Peeta, don't-"

"You," He interrupts me, his voice begins quiet but forceful, them begins to rise. "You, h-how dare you come here, how dare you come back. You monster! I should kill you for what you've done! You mutt, you fucking mutt!" With this he rushes toward me and shoves me. I stumble back and slam into the wall behind me, knocking the wind from my lungs. I regain myself and push away from the walls as he comes toward me again. I back up quickly and make my way into the living room with Peeta still at my feet.

"You fucking murderer! You fucking killer! You fucking sent those bombs, you killed my family, my friends!" He continues to yell at me but I turn on my heel and run towards the bathroom. I can hear Peeta's rough footsteps slamming against the floor, and I only run faster. This isn't Peeta, this, this is the Capitals weapon.

I'm in the bathroom and begin to close the door, but leave it open a crack, looking for Peeta. Oh God, where's my Peeta? The one that was holding me barely moments ago? There are tears are streaming down my face and I wipe them away with the back of my hand. He knows this I where I went, it's the only door down this hallway.

Peeta turns the corner and without slowing marches toward the bathroom. I quickly shut the door, lock it and lean all my weight against it. I finally breathe and take a sudden deep, shaky breath then let out a sob. I jump and only cry harder when Peeta's fists slam on the door, while he yells obscene things at me through the wood.

What triggered this? Was it my bringing up recovery? Or the Capital? I honestly have no explanation. Peeta doesn't seem to tire, and after a minute of this, he only grows louder and bangs harder. I'm afraid he might break the door.

"Peeta, stop!" I try to yell over him, but one, my voice is too shaky and two, he is too loud. I finally give up, lean back on the door and slide down with my knees to my chest and hug them.

Peeta's yelling continues for about another minute or so. At which point I'm about ready to go out there to tell him to shut the hell up and face the consequences. But Peeta's banging stops ubruptly, and instead of yelling my name, he grunts. There is a scuffle outside the door, that much I can tell. I hesitantly reach for the knob and see Haymitch straddling Peeta's waist, holding his arms above his head.

The sight is almost as weird as when Finnick saved Peeta's life back in the Quarter Quell, when all three of our families were alive. Peeta is barely struggling and Haymitch looks up at me and I can see the stress in his eyes. Peeta hasn't spotted me yet, but looks the way Haymitch looked and his eyes fall on mine. His face contorts and he periodically squirms and grunts underneath Haymitch.

Then, as if a switch was clicked off, his froze and his eyes turn back into the brilliant blue I've known for so long. He looks between Haymitch and I in confusion. Haymitch's body over his own, his sweaty brow and tousled hair plus my puffy eyes and tear streamed face must be an odd sight. Haymitch, though, saw the recognition in his eyes and stood, bringing him into a standing position along the way.

"Katniss, what ha-" He sees the door and has finally put two and two together.

"Oh no," He whispers under his breath as he looks at me with shame, guilt and terror. "Oh God, it happened again, didn't it?"

"Peeta it's okay, I'm fi-" he interrupts me.

"That's bull! I could've hurt you, killed you even! I shouldn't have left the Capital, I wasn't ready." He begins to back up.

"Wait, Peeta I'm fine, nothing happened." I walk towards him and he shakes his head at me and turns bolts out of my house. I start to run after him, but the hallway is too skinny and I trip over my own feet, falling with an oomph. I start to rise and yell,

"Peeta, wait!" But I know he's already out the front door. Haymitch comes to my side and helps me stand, but doesn't let go of my arm.

"Haymitch, let go, I need to go find him."

"No, what you need to do, Sweetheart is let the boy breathe. Allow him to figure himself out." Surprisingly, I give up and nod my head in agreement, and look at the spot Peeta had just stood.


	5. AN this is muy importante

You all are going to hate me for this not being an update. I'm really sorry, I have been super busy and have been writing like a paragraph at a time bc that's all I have time for. I do, however have an alright amount of a chapter but it's not super long. Would y'all rather me post that so you have something? Orrrrr wait and post one super long chapter got y'all to be reading forever and ever? Let me know how you would like it. Goodbye my loves? ﾟﾘﾘ


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Peeta's POV**

I crash out of her front door, breathing heavily. I don't remember anything after Katniss asked about the scar. Where'd it come from? None of the doctors told me about any sort of surgery while I was in recovery. A scar shouldn't be there. But I lift my fingers and yet, there it is.

I don't go home, they'll look for me there. The bakery? No, that's destroyed. Haymitch's? No, he'll go back there eventually. The woods. I've never really gone there by myself before, but never in a million years would she look for me there.

I'm not necessarily running from Katniss, more like keeping her safe. I'm a monster, I should have never left the Capital, it's not safe for Katniss. I should go back, or at least go to another district. It'll be painful, but it's the best for Katniss. She probably is cursing me now, I could've killed her, and she shouldn't be near me.

I'm running into the square, refusing to look at the buildings, so I keep running. I don't see many people as I run so I'm hoping the quickly forget me running past them. Through the Seam, and over the fence that hasn't been fixed yet.

These woods are completely new to me and I have no sense of direction. So I try my best to walk straight ahead so I don't get lost. I'll have to leave soon, but not before Katniss and Haymitch stop looking for me. The sun is beginning to creep out above the skyline and the color almost makes me smile. The picture of the sunrise through the trees is so beautiful, I'm determined to rely on my memory to capture it. I will have to paint this when I get the chance. No wonder Katniss loved it here so much.

My walking slows as I look at the sunrise, listening to the few mockingjays that have returned since the bombing. As I walk, the leaves crunch under my feet and I can hear animals running from my footsteps. I know I'm not really quiet when I walk but to be honest I want to be loud. I want the whole forest to know I'm here, here trying to protect Katniss.

A gust of wind blows at me from the north and sends a chill through my body. Looking at my exposed arms, I wrap them around my torso, trying to get the warmth from my body. I obviously didn't have time to grab a sweater when I was running, but it seems like it might have been a good idea now.

The woods that surround me seem so full of life as well as being one of the most peaceful places I have yet to discover. Again, I think that this must be one of the reasons Katniss loves it so much.

I come up to a large boulder overlooking a valley. These woods are so vast, one could easily get lost in them, and it hope I'm not one of them. I go to sit on the rock, looking across the valley. I sit there with my legs crossed, my elbows on my knees, my back hunched and my fingers intertwined with those on my other hand. And I just sit there. I listen, I smell, I feel and I see. I can feel all of the energy throughout the forest, as if it is surging in waves through my body.

I sit there for what feel like hours and from what I can tell it looks to be about nine in the morning. I've been gone for at least two hours, and most of the people in the district have been up for hours. But I continue to sit. I ignore the pain in my stomach from the lack of of food.

"What are you doing here?" After sitting in silence with only the songs of the birds, the sudden voice startles me and I turn my head quickly, toward the question. I sit, stunned for what seems like forever. Why is he here? For her. That's the only reason. I see his dark brown hair and his gray Seam eyes, which remind me so much of Katniss, and just shrug, returning to the way I was looking.

"Did Katniss show you this place?" He asks.

"No I found it for myself." I answer, not looking at him.

"Because, you know, this was our meeting spot, before she went to you in the Games." This statement irks(AN: my swim coach said this to me a few days ago and I have been saying it ever since, and I just had to put it in this) me.

"Gale," I finally said his name, "I didn't know that, and to be I don't really care." I pause, not sure how to continue. "And you shouldn't either, I'm leaving soon anyways."

"Well do me a favor and not tell Katniss I'm back, I need to tell her myself."

"That should be easy enough."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry about it." I stand and walk past Gale but he grabs my arm.

"Hey, what do you mean? Fricking tell me," I rip my arm from his grip and turn to face him.

"It means I'm fucking leaving! You happy? You'll finally get Katniss! She hates me so much, you'll be her obvious choice." I started off yelling, but my choice has softened with dread and sadness. I don't want to leave Katniss, but I couldn't stand myself if I hurt her, not again.

"What?" Gale looks at me, but I shake my head.

"Don't make me say it again, you win, now if you'll excuse me." I turn to leave but he continues.

"No, you can't."

"Can't what?"

"You- you can't leave."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't leave Katniss, I won't let you. I saw her when you were in the Capital, she was a wreck, could barely hold herself together." This doesn't make any sense, Gale doesn't want me to leave?

"Well she's fine now, besides I need to keep her safe," From me, I think. "From me," I say this aloud. "I wasn't ready in the first place, to come home. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I could've killed her, I could've hurt her. I'm a fucking monster, I don't deserve her, and I need to keep,her safe."

"That's a load of bull. Katniss is so much better with you. There's no one better for her than you."

"You don't understand, I had a flashback-" Gale interrupts me.

"It won't matter, she loves you, nothing will change that. No matter what happens, she will always go back to you. You complete her. Even when you were hundreds of miles out of her reach, you were still on her mind every second of the day. I could see it in her eyes. And it wasn't guilt. It was something I've never seen in her eyes before, except when she looked at Prim. She loves you, and you out of everyone, you should know that." After he finishes, he just looks at me. His stare makes me uncomfortable. My eyes shift to the forest floor, when I look back at him, he's on the rock, starting out over the valley.

"Just think about it." This was my queue to leave, so I nod to myself, turn on my heal and walk away.

After a few steps I hear Gale add, "Try not to scare off to much game on the way back." I chuckle under my breath and shake my head, still walking.

I won't leave, I will stay a fight myself to keep someone I love. I promise myself this. Not just myself, I promise Katniss this. I even promise Gale.

**Katniss POV**

I sit In front of the fire in my rocker, with Sae on the couch and Haymitch passed out on the the floor. I have been periodically changing the rag on Sae's forehead. She doesn't seem to be getting any better, but I can't stop. Haymitch was awake.

After Peeta ran out, I broke down, not wanting someone else to leave me, after he had just promised to stay. My knees buckled but before I could hit the ground Haymitch caught me, holding me to his chest. I rested in his arms for what seemed like hours, but within minutes he brought me into the living room and placed me in my rocker.

He wrapped a blanket around me and started the fire. He placed the logs atop one another, grabbing the kindling I have in a basket beside the fire, and placing it between the wood. He reached for the match box on top of the mantle and lit it, proceeding the actual lighting of the fire.

He leaned back in his knees and heals and turn to look at me, and sighing.

"He'll come back, Katniss. He won't leave you." I looked him in the eyes as I said this with complete seriousness.

"I don't think you're right." He simply shook his head. I look at Sae for a moment, wishing for her to get better. I don't know why but I start thinking about her children. She has three, I think. They don't live here anymore, they left for the same reason my mother never came back. I'm not sure which of her children have children, but I know there aren't many. If I'm not mistaken, one of her daughters was pregnant during the rebellion and while we were in District Thirteen. Very pregnant at most. And I think it was out of wedlock, so the father is out of the picture.

As quickly as these thoughts came in my head, they are swept away by the ringing from the phone. I stand and stalk over to it, hoping it's either Peeta calling to tell me he's okay and not leaving or Beetee with news on If he can help Sae. I know it's selfish, but I'm hoping its Peeta.

"Hello?" My voice is full of hope.

"Katniss? I don't know if I can help Sae." Beetee's voice immediately deflated me. Not only is it not Peeta, but he can't help her?

"Beetee, what do you mean?"

"I mean that from what her symptoms are and the bloodwork I retrieved from the hospital in Four, the virus is to vastly spread and too developed. If it was a less complex version maybe, but this case is too severe. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, uh o-okay." My voice cracked, "Thank you." And I hung up. just as I did so, someone burst through my front door. I looked up, right into the crystal blue eyes I love. And burst into tears.


	7. AN sorry

Hey my lovely readers, how about next chapter after I get 2 reviews on the last chapter? Just a thought...


	8. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Katniss POV**

I cried for about an hour before I could tell Peeta anything. After about twenty minutes Haymitch had left, I guess he figured Peeta could take care of me. The entire time Peeta was holding me, whispering it would be okay, and worrying something was really wrong.

Once I had calmed down, I still couldn't tell him because I was doing the hiccupy thing that happens after you cry. Every time you take a breath or try to talk your diaphragm, does a cartwheel, not allowing you to form a coherent sentence.

He had asked me if I wanted tea and I shook my head yes. Maybe tea would help soothe me. All I could think about was loosing someone else. Someone I cared about. I had already lost so many and don't know what I'd do when I last Sae.

By the time Peeta came back I was no longer hiccuping. Just sitting at Sae's feet, staring into the fire. I take the tea from him and continue to stare.

"Katniss, wanna tell m-" I interrupt him almost immediately, determined to get it off my chest.

"There's nothing he can do for her. She's going to die." There, I am done. No more talking about it.

"What? Katniss what are you-"

"No, I'm done, I don't want to talk about it."

"But Katniss-"

"No! I don't want to talk about it! I just got over balling about it five minutes ago, I don't want to start again." The extra push in my voice obviously offended him in some way, I can tell by the look on his face. I can feel the pressure behind my eyes but I immediately regret raising my voice even a little at him. He was just trying to help me, and I started to push him away.

"Well, I'm sorry I asked, then." He says, with his eyes not really finding mine. He's hurt, and I need to heal him.

"Peeta wait I shouldn't have-" This time, he interrupts me.

"No really, Katniss, it's my fault I shouldn't have pushed you." He says as he slowly walks towards the front of my house, towards the front door.

"Peeta, no, I'm the one at fault. You were just trying to help, I shouldn't have yelled." He hasn't stopped.

"You don't have to be sorry, I'll- uh I'll just go." He continues toward the door.

"Peeta Mellark! You need to stop where you are and walk back into my living room and stay here!" My use of his full and the height in my voice must have startled him because he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me with wide eyes.

"I need you here." My voice has quieted and it quivered, "Right here, next to me, for the rest of our miserable lives." Without hesitation, I walk up to him grab his shirt and kiss him. It's a kiss I've been waiting for. The one that spurs the hunger in me from the beach and the cave. But it occurs to me Peeta might not want this right now, so I pull away.

"No, please don't stop." Peeta says, his voice is husky and full of lust, but it's what I need. Our lips crash together, and my hands grab the sides of his face, holding him in place. One of his hands find the small of my back and adds pressure. And the other slightly pushes my head towards his.

I've missed this. I didn't know I missed it until now. This kiss makes up for all of the time we've spent away from each other. We break away, breathing heavily and I rest my forehead in his, my eyes closed. He kisses my forehead, and hugs me. I smile into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry about Sae," he breaks the silence and I sigh.

"I know, and I'm sorry for yelling at you, it was harsh of me."

"Well, let's just put it behind us and let you spend as much time as you can with Sae, you don't know how much longer you have with her."

"You're right, God I'm going to miss her."

"I know." Was all he said.

The next week was terrible. An on-again-off-again routine of caring for Sae, myself, then Sae again, then having Peeta care for both of us.

I was a reck. An emotional roller coaster that looped around crying, and went under affection, then through numbness. I felt bad for Peeta though, he had to deal with this horrible side of me. Never knowing what side of me he would find when we woke up.

He took to sleeping with me again, tired of getting up and out of bed and running down the hall to comfort me during a nightmare. But he also wanted to sleep in my bed. I wanted him to sleep with me again.

Only his arms could comfort me at night.

Sae was completely different from the woman I knew who sold stew at the Hob. She seemed crazy, for lack of a better word. Sae didn't say much as she lay on my couch, only looking worse and worse but each day that passed. But in her sleep she repeatedly said the name Qiunn over and over. In her sleep, while she ate, while she stared at the wall. There was rarely any other thing she said. And I had no idea who it was.

Only on occasion was Sae what I learned to call lucid. Where Peeta or I could ask her what she wanted or needed, how she was feeling, what she felt like doing. When she was lucid, she seemed to have forgotten Quinn and focussed on herself or us. But I was so busy and worried about making her comfortable, I always forgot to ask about Quinn, and once I remembered it was already too late.

About five days into the week, Sae was lucid and said, "The sunset looks lovely." When she is lucid, it always starts with an observation, like "The fire is going out," or "Its raining,". So I knew what this was. Moments before, she was muttering Quinn's name while sitting on the couch, blanking, so the name was fresh in my mind. And I was so curious, I couldn't help asking.

"Sae?" I said quietly, afraid I might startle her, but she looked at me and smiled as much as her strength would let her.

"Yes, dear?"

"Sae, who's Quinn?" As I said it her smile disappeared. And the room seemed to have gone still, but I could hear Peeta's footsteps on the floor above us, in one of the guest rooms he so often took to.

"Well, Quinn, uh, she is my granddaughter. My son's daughter, but he died during the bombing, so..." She paused, and I was afraid to push her further. But before I could ask more she continued on her own.

"So now she lives with her mother in District 10. But her mother isn't stable, so I don't know what will happen to her. I can't watch her because... Well because I'm dying." And that was it for being lucid, her face baccarat unfocused and she started muttering Quinn's name again. I huffed to myself and laid her down in the sofa with a blanket and ran upstairs to talk to Peeta.

As I turned the corner to the hall of the guest room I almost run into the man I was looking for, who has both of his hands on the doorknob behind him, facing me. I know him too well to not tell that he is hiding something by the look on his face. And I come right out and say it.

"What are you hiding you mischievous little devil?" He looks frazzled but loosens up but what I said.

"What me? Hiding something? We both know that if I was hiding something you'd find it." He says this with a play in his voice but there is a little bit of edge in it.

"That's true, but we both know that I know when you're hiding something, and I know you are right now." I say this with a smile. He smiles also and removes his hands from the knob and snaking them around my waist.

"Oh yeah? You honestly think I'd hide something from you?"

"Mhm, your doing it right now."

"Well even if I am, which I'm not, I'm sure it's not a big deal. Hypothetically, if I was hiding something then I know it wouldn't be a big deal." He started to laugh towards the end of his sentence, pulling me closer while wrapping an arm around my shoulders and keeping one around my waist.

He rested his forehead on my own as the smile on his face grew as if it could grow no more.

**Peeta POV**

With my forehead rested on her's, I couldn't be happier, and the smile on my face obviously proved that. My hands move to the sides of her face, not pressing, just resting there. My eyes are closed and my lips are centimeters from her's. We are so close that we share the same breath. She is breathing heavily and I know she wants me to kiss her.

Before I'd be skeptical, unsure of what she wants, but at this mom t I know she wants exactly what I want. Well maybe not exactly, but hopefully in time she will.

While I'm lost in thought, thinking about her, I hadn't notice her hand on the back of my neck, rubbing circles on the line of hair that meets my neck. And almost as if we can read each other's minds, both push our lips together, and kiss.

It's not as forceful as our last but it doesn't have any less passion. My hands leave her face and move to her lower and upper back. It's starts as a protective kiss, but I hope to change that. My tongue runs along her lower lip and like the bastard I am, ask for entrance. At this moment there is barely any room to be closer, except one thing. But I will never push her to do so.

Her lips part and I'm in heaven. This kiss is, in my opinion better than any of our last because we are alone. Thee is no one watching, no one here who could interrupt it except for ourselves. We are raw with this new sense of security that can only be obtained by this feeling right now. And I love it. I love her lips, I love her hands, I love her cheeks, I love her.

I know what I want, and I just hope she wants the same.

Later that day, while I'm sitting on the rocker and Katniss is in the kitchen making tea, I hear Sae murmuring the name again. When Katniss comes in from the kitchen with two cups of tea in her hands, I bring it up.

"Hey Katniss?"

"Hmm?" She murmurs while setting the tea on the coffee table.

"Do you have any idea who Quinn is? I always hear Sae saying it when she's out of it." The question lit something up in her face and she looks as if she just remembered something.

"Quinn! I almost forgot." She came to me and sat on my lap with her arms wrapped around my neck. "Quinn is Sae's granddaughter, her son's daughter. But he died during the bombing, so she lives with her mother in District 10. But I guess the mother isn't stable so Sae has no idea what will happen to her."

"How'd you learn about this?"

"Sae told me when she was lucid." My face must have looked confused because she smiled and elaborated. "It's when she is herself and not, well not dying."

"So Quinn is her granddaughter? Did she tell you anything else?"

"I lost her just after that." I had nothing left to say so I just smiled at Katniss, and she smiled at me. At that moment, Sae groaned. Loudly. Both of our heads turned to look at her and we saw her body convulsing and the heart monitor the doctors brought over the day before started to pick up. Katniss and I stood up, quickly rushing to her sides.

Her arms were crunched at her chest and we held her on the couch, but it didn't stop. Her heart rate spiked again, even when I thought it couldn't. And then it stopped.

No beeping, just a low, constant tone.

No convulsing.

No breathe.

No Sae.

Oh my God, guys I'm am so sorry for not updating,I was so busy and had no time to write or even read... I haven't read in weeeeeks and I'm dying. Well hope you liked this chapter, next after, let's say seven reviews:)


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